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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,822

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Trending via Slack:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Making waves on Telegram:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Trending via Telegram:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Swiping left on dating apps because my true love is the library 📚❤️🤣

book, commitment, committed, humor, reading, relationship, thanks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

1 month ago
activity, arts, chi, crazy, exercise, funny activity, humor, martial, martial arts, motion, slow, slow motion, tai, Tai Chi, tantrum, throwing
People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

1 month ago
belief, believe, brain, brains, head, heads, humor, inside, irony, just, maybe, people
I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

5 months ago
humor, i, money, neighbor, neighbors, saved, saving, security, security system, stealing, system
The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

1 month ago
adulthood, dynamic, family, family dynamic, humor, irony, life, life irony, most, parenting, parents, reversal, role, role reversal, surprise
Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

5 days ago
across, book, brain, character, character name, characters, coming, confusion, every, humor, just, know, name, pronounce, pronunciation, reading, rest, time
I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

1 month ago
apology, circumstances, control, honesty, humor, i, late, running, running late, self-awareness, sorry, things

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Making waves on TikTok:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Breaking via Instagram:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Spotted on Twitch:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

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No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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