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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Just landed via YouTube:

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Going bananas on Threads:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Spotted on X:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Spotted on YouTube:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

2 months ago

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When you think you're about to hit the weekend jackpot, but life hands you a Wednesday: midweek plot twist! 😂🙈😩

anticipation, disappointment, Friday, humor, irony, midweek, nothing, only, ruins, Wednesday, workweek

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53 shares on Threads this month:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

85 shares on Slack this month:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

Just landed via Telegram:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Seen just now on Discord:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Seen just now on X:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Just shared via Messenger:

Why be pretty when you can be pretty weird?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

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Activity Log ✨

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage.

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage.

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨