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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has shared:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has shared:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has shared:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has shared:

Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has copied:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has downloaded:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

1804 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,966

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14,770

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11,966

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2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Instagram:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Broadcasted on X:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Making waves on Slack:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Trending via Messenger:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Trending via Facebook:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, β€œWhat kind of trees are those?”

Freshly posted on Slack:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.
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Commentary:
When you think you're about to hit the weekend jackpot, but life hands you a Wednesday: midweek plot twist! πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆπŸ˜©

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

1804 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,966

Funny Quotes Topics

14,770

Funny Quotes Images

11,966

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has copied:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has copied:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has shared:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Going viral on Messenger:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Reported on Threads:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Live now on Threads:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Freshly posted on X:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Making waves on Reddit:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

Trending via Telegram:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

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