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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1742 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,904

Funny Quotes Topics

14,722

Funny Quotes Images

11,904

1 minute ago

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Just shared via Twitch:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Breaking via Facebook:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Trending via Snapchat:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Reported on Pinterest:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Live now on Messenger:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Making waves on Messenger:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Shared recently on Slack:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

6 months ago

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

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Commentary:
Ah, November, the official start of turtleneck season and feeling personally victimized by daylight savings time. 🐢☁️ Who needs Vitamin D when you have an endless collection of cozy neck sweaters to hide in? Just remember, seasonal affective disorder is real, but so is the power of a good knit turtleneck! 💪 #TurtleneckTherapy

depression, fall, fall fashion, fashion, humor, mood, November, seasonal, seasonal mood, sweater, sweater weather, turtleneck, weather

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1742 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,904

Funny Quotes Topics

14,722

Funny Quotes Images

11,904

1 minute ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Just shared via Threads:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Shared recently on Discord:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Just shared via Discord:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Just shared via Instagram:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Just shared via Facebook:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

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