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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,338

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Making waves on Twitch:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Just shared via Discord:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Trending via Threads:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Just shared via Snapchat:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

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November is for turtlenecks and depression.
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Commentary:
Ah, November, the official start of turtleneck season and feeling personally victimized by daylight savings time. 🐢☁️ Who needs Vitamin D when you have an endless collection of cozy neck sweaters to hide in? Just remember, seasonal affective disorder is real, but so is the power of a good knit turtleneck! 💪 #TurtleneckTherapy

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Instagram this month:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

38 shares on Threads this month:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,486

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Just shared via Reddit:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Just shared via Messenger:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Going viral on Twitch:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

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