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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,948

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Making waves on Facebook:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Trending via X:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Making waves on Instagram:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Seen just now on Facebook:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Going bananas on Slack:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Spotted on Slack:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Live now on TikTok:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

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Off to my crying appointment (therapy).
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Commentary:
Just another day at the 'Tearapy' spa! 😭🛁💆‍♂️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on X this month:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,983

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Seen just now on Messenger:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Making waves on Telegram:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Making waves on Threads:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Trending via Snapchat:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Just landed via Facebook:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

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