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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

2 hours ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Spotted on Reddit:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Making waves on Reddit:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Reported on Threads:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Shared recently on Discord:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Reported on X:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Going viral on X:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Spreading quickly via X:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Spotted on Slack:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Reported on WhatsApp:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

6 months ago

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like you're about to embark on a journey through the land of unexpected flavor combinations! 🌿💊🥜 What a happy accident – who knew that a mix of meds could make for a tasty trail mix adventure! Just remember, this snack pack is for taste buds only, not FDA-approved prescriptions 😄🥳 #TrailMixMishap

accidentally, best, bottle, humor, invention, meds, mix, packing, trail, trail mix, trip

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

2 hours ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Pinterest:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Making waves on WeChat:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Just landed via X:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Live now on Twitch:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

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