For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be? Posted onMay 29, 2026
Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie. Posted onMay 29, 2026
One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work. Posted onMay 29, 2026
After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them. Posted onMay 29, 2026
The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom. Posted onMay 29, 2026
There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that. Posted onMay 29, 2026
People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate. Posted onMay 29, 2026