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Commentary:
"Seriously, who do we talk to about extending weekends? It's like we blink and it's already Monday again! 🙈 Can we get a petition going for #MoreWeekendPlease? 📝⏳"

balance, days, enough, fun, leisure, longer, petition, time, time off, weekend, work life, work-life balance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

2 months ago
bird, early, early bird, exhausted, exhaustion, humor, night, night owl, owl, pigeon, sort, tired
Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

5 months ago
bodily, bodily function, farting, function, habit, humor, i, just, late, late night habit, night, nights, stay, staying, staying up late
Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

1 month ago
communication, grammar, humor, irony, lessons, media, social, social media, teach, Twitter
If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

1 month ago
appearance, astrology, beauty, compliment, humor, interaction, means, pretty, social, social interaction, talk, talking
Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

2 months ago
alcohol, brag, communication, humor, i, need, regret, relationships, send, social, texts
Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

1 month ago
alarm, before, else, favorite, humor, matters, Metallica, minutes, music, nothing, procrastination, sleep, song

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

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When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

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There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

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Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

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The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

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Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

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There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I disagree with my politics.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Just landed via YouTube:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Live now on Discord:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

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Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

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I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

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Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

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Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

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