Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,760

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Broadcasted on X:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Just landed via Slack:

I need a day off from myself.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

1 month ago

Witty gym humor about weak notices, playful and amusing text about workout excuses.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking news: My muscles have issued a statement – they're quitting the workout game! 💪🚫 #GymConfessions"

exercise, fitness, gym, humor, joke, notice, put, self-deprecation, weakness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

4 weeks ago

complaint, fast, fast food, food, fry, humor, McDonald’s, needs, road, salt, SALTS, seasoning
I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

4 weeks ago

always, bring, family, guilt, humor, i, joke, know, luggage, me, mom, parenting, relationships, sarcasm, send, shell, travel, trip, visiting
Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

4 weeks ago

anxiety, anxious, day, exhausted, exhaustion, humor, irony, leisure, relaxation, scam, spend, stress, weekend
Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

1 month ago

best, best friend, choice, crazy, friend, friends, friendship, humor, know, loyalty, public, still
Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

4 weeks ago

40s, age, assembling, floor, furniture, getting, getting older, humor, life, life stage, old, older, put, sit, sitting, sitting on floor, stage, together, too, welcome
I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

4 weeks ago

dark, dark magic, fantasy, fun, fun quote, hesitate, humor, i, joking, magic, playful, playful threat, supernatural, threat

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Slack this month:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

57 shares on Threads this month:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

90 shares on Slack this month:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

48 shares on Discord this month:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Just landed via Messenger:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Just landed via Instagram:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Going viral on TikTok:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Making waves on Telegram:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Trending via Snapchat:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Going viral on Reddit:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Freshly posted on X:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Seen just now on Slack:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨