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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,387

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Spotted on Telegram:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Going bananas on Threads:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Trending via Reddit:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Going viral on TikTok:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Just landed via YouTube:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

2 months ago

0

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Rule #1 for family reunions: Always be the designated driver and bring your own car; bonus points if it's a getaway vehicle! 🚗💨 Who needs to stay for awkward small talk when you can make a quick exit in style? #FamilyDramaDetour"

always, bring, car, family, family reunion, freedom, humor, independence, own, own car, reunion, rule, take, take off, travel, want, whenever

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, best, bottle, humor, invention, meds, mix, packing, trail, trail mix, trip
Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

0

5 months ago

calm, chill, folks, humor, joke, just, reality, simulation, virtual, virtual reality
Breaking news is really breaking me.

0

2 months ago

breaking, breaking news, exhaustion, humor, irony, me, media, news, stress
At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

0

2 months ago

booing, comedy, commentary, humor, literary, movie, prejudice, pride, Pride and Prejudice, satire, screen, social, social commentary, whenever
I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

0

1 month ago

effort, heart, humor, i, illness, love, mental, mental illness, putting, relationship, sarcasm, soul, thought, used, where, work
Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

0

2 months ago

being, compatibility, humor, irony, lesson, mean, relationship, socks, teach, together

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on YouTube this month:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

95 shares on X this month:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

64 shares on Threads this month:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

17 shares on Slack this month:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,251

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Making waves on Telegram:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Seen just now on Discord:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Going viral on Slack:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Spotted on Messenger:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Live now on Messenger:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

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