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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Making waves on WeChat:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Breaking via Instagram:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Spotted on Threads:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Live now on Reddit:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Spotted on Messenger:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Humorous quote about the absurdity of adult stumbling on a train, playful and witty.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watching a grown man stumble on a train makes me wonder if he's planning to provide comic relief for the family instead! 🤣🚂 #ProviderOfJokes"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Facebook this month:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

13 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

59 shares on X this month:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

66 shares on Threads this month:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I’ve had enough. I’m ready to spend an eternity in the arms of my lover.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Just landed via Telegram:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Trending via Slack:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Seen just now on X:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

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