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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

42 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Making waves on Messenger:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Making waves on Messenger:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Spotted on YouTube:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Just landed via Messenger:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

2 months ago

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this shrimp has big dreams—aiming to make a splash even if it's just as fancy leftover! 🍤😂 Just remember, whether it's on a plate or in a party trash bin, it's all about making a statement. Keep reaching for those gourmet goals! 🍽️🎉

anthropomorphism, dinner, event, food, food waste, gala, grow, humor, i, satire, shrimp, want, waste

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

42 minutes ago

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care, so it works out.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Going viral on WeChat:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Making waves on Messenger:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Making waves on Slack:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Just landed via TikTok:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Shared recently on X:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Going viral on Telegram:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

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