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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

787 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,949

Funny Quotes Topics

13,921

Funny Quotes Images

10,949

29 minutes ago

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Pinterest:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Just landed via Reddit:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Reported on Messenger:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

6 months ago

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

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Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle between the desire for rest and the annoyance of interruptions! 😴💤 Imagine trying to peacefully drift into the realm of dreams while being bombarded by ads for dream vacations, fluffy pillows, and noise-canceling earplugs. 🚫📺💰 It's like the ultimate marketing strategy – even in the land of nod, you can't escape the sales pitch! 😂✨ #SleepingWithAds

ads, death, free, humor, irony, sleep, trial

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

787 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,949

Funny Quotes Topics

13,921

Funny Quotes Images

10,949

29 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Spotted on Telegram:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Making waves on Twitch:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Shared recently on WeChat:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Trending via TikTok:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Breaking via Reddit:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

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