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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Just shared via TikTok:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Going viral on Messenger:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Going viral on Instagram:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Spotted on TikTok:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Trending via Discord:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Making waves on WeChat:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Shared recently on Twitch:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like someone needs to update their comedy passport! 😂🤪🤣

actually, funnier, humor, identify, identity, joke, people, perception, personality, sarcasm, self, self-perception, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

0

2 months ago

bed, bed time, every, family, humor, i, kids, night, night routine, parenting, routine, say, sleep, surprise, time
38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

0

2 months ago

being, car, dad, else, family, humor, humor quote, looking, parenting, patience, sitting, stereotype, waiting, watch
Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, choice, confidence, decision, decisions, humor, independence, me, nothing, peer, peer pressure, pressure, rebellious, self-reliance, solo, solo choice
If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

0

2 months ago

healing, humor, i, inventor, irony, linear, medical, much, tell
A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

0

2 months ago

12, 12 step, couch, exercise, getting, humor, just, laziness, me, motivation, program, self-improvement, step
Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

0

2 months ago

advice, getting, getting into, good, good sin, humor, just, mischief, sin, sins, someone

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

98 shares on Slack this month:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Making waves on Pinterest:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Seen just now on X:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Trending via Slack:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Trending via Twitch:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Spotted on YouTube:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Going viral on YouTube:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Spotted on Telegram:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨