Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't. I'm pear-occupied with my juicy ripened fruits 🍐🥭 Can't let them down, they've 'pear'-fected their ripeness game! 🍐😄 #PearPriorities"

ago, couple, days, excuse, fruit, humor, i, pears, procrastination, ripened, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

0

2 months ago

confidence, grammar, humor, language, punctuation, semicolons, writing
Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

0

2 months ago

born, chance, forced, humor, i, irony, mysterious, personality, quiet, self-deprecating, talkative, whenever
Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

0

2 months ago

bad, health, humor, Instagram, media, mental, mental health, outlook, social, social media, stress, technology, work, work stress
Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

0

2 months ago

baby, gifts, humor, irony, men, newborn, presents, three, Three Wise Men, wise, worst
I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

0

4 months ago

animal, away, beef, bring, cat, cat food, cow, ego, food, house, humor, i, kind, need, pet, point, stay
They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

0

3 months ago

20, 30, 40, 9, age, bedtime, humor, i, know, lifestyle, midnight, new, night, party, say, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

72 shares on Threads this month:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

81 shares on Telegram this month:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

66 shares on Threads this month:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Trending via Threads:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Just landed via Slack:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Spotted on Discord:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Making waves on Instagram:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨