Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Today's agenda: professional bed-rotter and potential squanderer. 💤🛌 Don't mind me, just reaching maximum entropy levels here. 😅 #ProcrastinationGameStrong"

bed, excuse, humor, i, lazy, potential, procrastination, rot, self-care, sorry, squander, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

0

2 months ago

anti-stress, balls, breast, breasts, device, female, humor, irony, nature, stress
Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoyed, driving, gasp, humor, husband, marriage, over, relationship, super, where, while
I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

0

2 months ago

coffee, days, decision, drink, drive, favorite, humor, i, irresponsible, live, once, regret, rest, stain, sweater
Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

0

6 months ago

better, communication, ex, humor, i, misunderstanding, most, mumble, osbourne, ozzy, Ozzy Osbourne, relationship, still, through
Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

0

2 months ago

doll, funny request, humor, money, pants, playful, pocket, pop, put, quirky, request, voodoo, voodoo doll
My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

0

2 months ago

being, confusion, dog, dogs, era, fear, food, food invention, having, historical, historical confusion, hot, hot dog, humor, imagine, invention, knowledge, modern, modern knowledge, renaissance, Renaissance era, something, time, time travel, tools, travel, waking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

100 shares on Discord this month:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Just shared via Slack:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Trending via Slack:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Seen just now on Discord:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨