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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

I be like, β€œWho’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has copied:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has copied:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has downloaded:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has viewed:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has copied:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via WeChat:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Just shared via Telegram:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Just landed via Instagram:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Breaking via WeChat:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Broadcasted on X:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Seen just now on Instagram:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Live now on Telegram:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, β€œWe needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Seen just now on X:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Just shared via TikTok:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Funny quote about sparkling water mimicking the sensation of a foot falling asleep.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sparkling water: giving your taste buds the same fizzy confusion as when your foot decides to hit the snooze button! πŸ€ͺ🦢✨"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Gonna start using β€œwith all dude respect”.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva β€” only divisible by yourself?

18 shares on X this month:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

34 shares on Slack this month:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

75 shares on Discord this month:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,281

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has shared:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

People be like β€œI love your energy” – then drain it.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has downloaded:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Doc, if I can vibecode anything and everyone else can vibecode anything, then what’s my competitive advantage?

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has copied:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on WeChat:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Seen just now on X:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

Spotted on Telegram:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Just landed via Reddit:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Making waves on YouTube:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Freshly posted on X:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Just shared via Reddit:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

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