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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Going viral on X:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Freshly posted on X:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Freshly posted on Slack:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Seen just now on X:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Trending via Instagram:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

Going viral on YouTube:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
"Sparkling water: giving your taste buds the same fizzy confusion as when your foot decides to hit the snooze button! 🤪🦶✨"

asleep, comparison, drink, feeling, foot, humor, sensation, sparkling, sparkling water, taste, water

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on X this month:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

12 shares on Twitch this month:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Meow means woof in cat.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Breaking via Snapchat:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Going viral on Facebook:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Trending via Instagram:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Seen just now on X:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

This cucumber Gatorade got me quenched in an unprecedented manner.

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Keep the laugh going 😂

This cucumber Gatorade got me quenched in an unprecedented manner.

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨