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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,801

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Spotted on Discord:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Making waves on Threads:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Going viral on Discord:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Relatable trauma: my wallet and taste buds filing a joint complaint 🍽️💸😫

different, disappointment, eating, food, humor, money, pain, spending, type

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

0

2 months ago

30, beer, drink, drinking, drunk, enjoy, fun, humor, i, just, light, light beer, moderation, party, peeing, relaxation, times, today
I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

0

2 months ago

cooking, humor, i, man, men, poison, sarcasm, self-control, should
Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

0

2 months ago

chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, comparison, craving, dog, dogs, every, food, humor, i, nugget, nuggets, pet, time, want
My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

0

2 months ago

armor, drink, fantasy, fun, humor, knight, liquid, love
So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

0

2 months ago

biblical, cloud, download, file, humor, man, Moses, pun, tablet, technology, using
The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

0

2 months ago

band, band name, Cranberry, creativity, fruit, great, humor, joke, music, name, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

18 shares on WeChat this month:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

11 shares on Threads this month:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Going viral on Twitch:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Freshly posted on Slack:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Trending via Facebook:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Spotted on Twitch:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Going viral on Facebook:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Going viral on X:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Just landed via Slack:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨