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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,275

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Trending via Twitch:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Just landed via X:

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Spotted on Threads:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Going viral on X:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Shared recently on Telegram:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Just landed via Pinterest:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

2 months ago

0

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, spiders – the original web developers with a knack for finding bugs! 🕷️🕸️ Who knew they were the true masters of debugging? They spin, they crawl, they catch bugs – the multitasking skills are real! 😄 #WebDevelopmentHumor

bug, bugs, developer, finding, humor, irony, joke, love, nature, only, programming, spider, technology, web, web developer

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

0

2 months ago

depends, handwriting, humor, mood, pen, people, personality, self-expression
If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

0

2 months ago

bar, crumbs, DIY, food, granola, humor, nature, Nature Valley, resourcefulness, snack, three, valley
I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

0

2 months ago

book, chapters, couple, creativity, humor, i, murder, mystery, only, plot, plot twist, sarcasm, twist, writing
When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

0

2 months ago

assumption, going, hate, humor, i, making, me, relationship, say
I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

0

2 months ago

broke, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, joke, memory, money, remember, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, still, struggle, well, why
Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

0

2 months ago

activity, beat, DIY, fun, fun activity, humor, music, myself, neighbor, practice, teaching, ukulele, wall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Going bananas on Discord:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Spotted on X:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Making waves on Messenger:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Spotted on Slack:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Just shared via Slack:

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Just shared via Threads:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

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