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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,334

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Trending via Snapchat:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Breaking via Twitch:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Just landed via Slack:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Just landed via Reddit:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Just landed via X:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Just shared via Instagram:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Seen just now on X:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

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Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.
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Commentary:
"Looks like my Spotify wrapped is turning into a horror film sequel 🎬👻🎵 Who knew my mental health could be measured in play counts and skip ratios? 📈😅 #ScaryStats"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Discord this month:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

99 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Spotted on Instagram:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Just landed via Discord:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Trending via TikTok:

Living la vida taco!

Just shared via Instagram:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Trending via Messenger:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

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