Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

4,026

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Freshly posted on X:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Just landed via Reddit:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Breaking via Discord:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Spreading quickly via X:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Just shared via Facebook:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Just shared via TikTok:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Just landed via Instagram:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Live now on Facebook:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just realized I'm at stage 2 of Christmas shopping: full panic mode engaged! 🏃‍♂️💨🎁

1, 2, Christmas, holiday, humor, oh, procrastination, shopping, stages, stress, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

0

1 month ago

change, divorce, getting, humor, i, life, life change, problems, relationship, solution
I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

0

2 months ago

conversation, forgetfulness, forgot, humor, i, looking, meds, nature, politics, squirrels, take, talk, tree, whimsy
If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

0

6 days ago

asking, awkward, awkward conversation, conversation, humor, i, interaction, job, me, meet, party, personality, social, social interaction, start, topic, work, work topic
Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

0

2 months ago

appetite, burger, date, food, frustration, fun, humor, release
I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

0

1 month ago

bugs, confusion, humor, i, inside, irony, nature, outside, understand, whole, why
The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, comfort, day, i, laziness, miss, relaxation, sleep, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

25 shares on Discord this month:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

56 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Trending via TikTok:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Just shared via YouTube:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Live now on Twitch:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Just landed via Threads:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨