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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has copied:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has copied:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,507

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Making waves on Threads:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Trending via WeChat:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Going viral on YouTube:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Just landed via Telegram:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Just landed via Threads:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

Spotted on Reddit:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Witty holiday quote about last-minute Christmas shopping panic.
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Commentary:
Just realized I'm at stage 2 of Christmas shopping: full panic mode engaged! πŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸ’¨πŸŽ

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

79 shares on Reddit this month:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

68 shares on Threads this month:

I miss when YouTubers would just record for, like, 20 minutes, and upload the whole thing completely unedited.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, β€œwow, I better write my will.”

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,366

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has copied:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has copied:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has shared:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has viewed:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has viewed:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via TikTok:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I always set two alarms, one for β€œGood Intentions Me” and one for β€œThe Real Me”

Just shared via Discord:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Trending via Reddit:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Trending via Facebook:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

Live now on Instagram:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

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