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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,620

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Trending via Reddit:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Just shared via Slack:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Just landed via Twitch:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Trending via YouTube:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Trending via YouTube:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Shared recently on Slack:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Just shared via Pinterest:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Just shared via WeChat:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to picture this "average" person, but I'm just getting Frankenstein vibes 🤔🧟‍♂️

anatomy, arm, arms, average, biology, humor, leg, legs, ovary, person, speaking, statistically, statistics, testicle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

0

2 months ago

break, breaks, give, health, humor, irony, lifespan, smoker, smokers, taken, time
My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, funny situation, humor, i, making, mobility, noise, over, people, run, screaming, screaming noise, situation, wheelchair
Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

0

2 months ago

back, cancellation, humor, just, Monday, new, news, relaxation, sleep, turn, wake, wake up, wish
Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, behavior, dog, funny behavior, head, humor, i, just, leaf, moment, next, pet, relationship, relationship status, status, tried
Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

0

2 months ago

apparently, balls, frustration, humor, office, office humor, people, relief, stress, stress balls, stress relief, throwing, workplace
Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

0

2 months ago

attitude, being, being me, confidence, haters, i, identity, keep, me, perseverance, self, self-confidence, unfortunately

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on WeChat this month:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

24 shares on Threads this month:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Just landed via YouTube:

My parents think they know me.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Going viral on Threads:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Spotted on WeChat:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Live now on Instagram:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Trending via Messenger:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨