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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Spotted on Threads:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Going viral on Reddit:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Seen just now on X:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Spotted on X:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Shared recently on Twitch:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Humorous and cheeky text urging kindness, featuring playful words about avoiding animal testing.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Stop animal testing! Use my ex! At least that way, you'll get the real 'makeup' of the situation 🐰💄😆"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Threads this month:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

90 shares on Telegram this month:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,500

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Live now on Snapchat:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Making waves on Facebook:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Just landed via Discord:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Making waves on Pinterest:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

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