“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.