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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,935

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Making waves on Facebook:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Breaking via Instagram:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"At this rate, even my popcorn is running out of gas! 🍿😅 #TooFastTooFurious"

comedy, critique, entertainment, fast, Fast and Furious, film, furious, humor, making, movie, sarcastic, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

0

2 months ago

age, back, comedy, foolishness, humor, idiot, maturity, realize, reflection, self, self-awareness, self-deprecating, still, younger
I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, furniture, humor, i, IKEA, interview, joke, manager, me, saying, seat, seating, situation, workplace
You don’t scare me, I was married once.

0

2 months ago

bravery, divorce, fear, humor, i, marriage, married, me, once, relationship, scare, wit
I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

0

2 months ago

embrace, flaw, flaws, humor, i, joke, order, restraining, restraining order, sarcasm, self-acceptance, tried
Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

0

5 months ago

chopping, cooking, crying, emotion, food, food preparation, humor, onion, onions, preparation, thinking, while
Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

0

2 months ago

conversation, honey, humor, internet, media, online, online conversation, relationship, social, social media, stranger, strangers, talking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Threads this month:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

93 shares on Slack this month:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Live now on Pinterest:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Just landed via Twitch:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨