Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Trending via WeChat:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Spotted on Threads:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Shared recently on Threads:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Going bananas on X:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Just landed via WeChat:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Stranger: Your children are angels. 👼 Me: So was the devil. 😈 Who says innocence can't be mischievous!?"

angel, children, devil, humor, irony, me, parenting, sarcasm, stranger

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

0

3 months ago

drink, drinking, gross, humor, i, joke, know, lead, misunderstanding, oh, only, powder, protein
No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

0

2 months ago

confusion, even, humor, identity, knows, me, mystery, private, self-awareness, unknown
The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, blow-dryer, convenience, free, frustration, hotel, humor, travel
One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

0

5 months ago

daughter, day, family, got, humor, husband, i, know-it-all, parenting, personality, personality traits, Sassy, say, traits, wait
Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, choice, confidence, decision, decisions, humor, independence, me, nothing, peer, peer pressure, pressure, rebellious, self-reliance, solo, solo choice
Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark mode, discomfort, humor, i, mode, much, physically, preferences, repulsion, screen, technology, used, visual, visual discomfort, white, white screen

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

43 shares on Discord this month:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

45 shares on Threads this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

One year of friendship, and I’ve not seen your breasts? Are we really friends?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Live now on Snapchat:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Spotted on Threads:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Shared recently on Slack:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨