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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

Updated

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Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Shared recently on Threads:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Live now on Telegram:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Just shared via Instagram:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Making waves on Pinterest:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Live now on WeChat:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When summer turns into an indoor adventure! ☀️❄️😂

AC, activity, comfort, cooling, front, heat, heatwave, hours, indoor, minutes, outdoor, outside, summer, summer activity, weather

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Just shared via WeChat:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Just shared via Twitch:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Spotted on Slack:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Seen just now on X:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Seen just now on X:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

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Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Another Monday that no one asked for.

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

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Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

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