Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

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I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

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Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

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But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

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Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

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Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

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My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

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You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.