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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Just landed via Telegram:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Shared recently on Reddit:

How is it still this week?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Trending via Twitch:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Clever and humorous text about how technology makes wasting time more efficient.

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Commentary:
Hooray for tech – now procrastination has a turbo mode! 🚀😂⌛

efficiency, humor, me, technology, time, waste, wasting

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

98 shares on X this month:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Manifesting you in my bed.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Just shared via Telegram:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Spotted on Telegram:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Shared recently on WeChat:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Breaking via Threads:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Just landed via X:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Going bananas on YouTube:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

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Activity Log ✨

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Keep the laugh going 😂

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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