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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,343

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

Seen just now on Threads:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Trending via Instagram:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Spotted on Instagram:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Trending via Threads:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Going viral on Twitch:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

2 months ago

0

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle between responsibility and the allure of the warm, cozy bed. It's a tough decision – do you face the world with your hair brushed and teeth cleaned, or do you embrace the dramatics and call in "sick" to work, only to spend the day binge-watching your favorite show? Decisions, decisions… morning dilemmas at their finest!

alarm, decision, dressed, humor, illness, moment, morning, procrastination, struggle, wake up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, humor, kick, morning, motivation, reality, wake up
I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

0

2 months ago

being, call, called, communication, humor, joke, life, lot, nothing, phone, sarcasm, things, worse
Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, dating, doing, friendship, girls, humor, humor quote, Instagram, jealousy, media, never, relationship, social, social media, something, soon, stop, unfollow
If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

0

3 months ago

alternate, alternate universe, hope, humor, i, intelligence, parallel, parallel reality, reality, sarcasm, stupid, stupidity, universe
You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, activity, crystal, humor, joke, playful, put, sock, start, swinging, unconventional, wrong
Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

0

6 months ago

bullshit, confusion, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, idea, joke, just, muscle, muscles, targeted, training, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

29 shares on X this month:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

50 shares on X this month:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Trending via WeChat:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Trending via Twitch:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Trending via Slack:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Seen just now on Discord:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Spotted on Instagram:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Seen just now on Discord:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Making waves on Discord:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

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