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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,405

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Shared recently on Discord:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Going viral on Slack:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Trending via Reddit:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Trending via YouTube:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Spotted on Reddit:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Live now on WeChat:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seems like their job is just opening packages! 📦😂 #ProfessionalUnwrapper"

day, delivery, every, household, humor, living, living situation, package, quirky, roommate, situation, unemployed

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

0

2 months ago

childhood, destroy, ever, every, humor, i, individuality, kid, let, self-destruction, someone, stuff, yourself
I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

0

2 months ago

business, career, career change, change, half, hogan, Hulk, Hulk Hogan, humor, i, job, job search, looking, mean, motivation, new, relief, ripping, search, shirt, shirt ripping, short, story, stress, stress relief, workplace, workplace humor
I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

0

2 months ago

every, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, life, own, popping, relatable, shit, single, someone, startled, talk, time, toast, watching
If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

0

2 months ago

behavior, digital, digital behavior, excuse, failed, honesty, hour, humor, humor about truth, i, just, later, lying, me, online, procrastination, say, truth
Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

0

2 months ago

die, funeral, humor, man, norms, proposal, real, real man, social, social norms, someone, wedding
If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

0

2 months ago

animal, elephant, exaggeration, humor, i, imagination, joke, sorry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Being awake is the worst.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

15 shares on Discord this month:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Just landed via Reddit:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Trending via Facebook:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Just shared via Messenger:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Live now on Pinterest:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨