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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,834

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Just shared via WeChat:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Trending via Twitch:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Just landed via Facebook:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Just landed via WeChat:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Trending via Threads:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Just shared via X:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Just landed via Reddit:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

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The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.
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Commentary:
"Just honing my 'rock-paper-scissors' skills to a professional level! 🪨📄✂️😎 #OutdoorPro"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

50 shares on Instagram this month:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

16 shares on Slack this month:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,021

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Just shared via Threads:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Trending via Discord:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

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