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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

I say β€œlong story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I be like, β€œI needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has shared:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has shared:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing PokΓ©mon.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has copied:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,562

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Going viral on Facebook:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Seen just now on X:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Shared recently on Slack:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Just landed via Threads:

People ask you, β€œare you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, β€œyes”.

Breaking via Instagram:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like someone's resume is out of this world! πŸš€πŸŒŒ It seems like the space bar had a mind of its own and decided to take a few breaks between words. Gaps in your resume? More like gaps in the galaxy! Who knew a tiny button could cause interstellar mayhem? 🌠πŸͺ

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To the tune of β€˜Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

44 shares on X this month:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has copied:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has viewed:

β€œAI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has downloaded:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has copied:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has copied:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on X:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Going viral on Facebook:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Just shared via YouTube:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Trending via Telegram:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Spotted on Reddit:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Trending via Threads:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling BeyoncΓ© about that the other day.

Spotted on Slack:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

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