The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

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Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

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I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

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I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

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I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

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Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

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The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

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Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”