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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,267

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Just landed via X:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Just landed via WeChat:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Trending via WhatsApp:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

24 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about practice and luck, humorous and playful text on a background.

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Commentary:
Looks like I'm doomed to be hilariously lucky at this rate! 🍀😂🎯

effort, humor, i, improvement, luck, motivation, practice, skill, success

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

56 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

66 shares on X this month:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Hang in there, it gets worse.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Spotted on TikTok:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Just landed via Reddit:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Shared recently on Discord:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Just landed via Reddit:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Trending via Twitch:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨