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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Just shared via X:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Spotted on Slack:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Seen just now on Twitch:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Just landed via Slack:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

4 months ago

0

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like we’ll have plenty of corn, but you might want to avoid eye contact 🌽🤔🗡️

God, gods, harvest, humor, man, me, next, sacrifice, speak, superstition, threat

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

0

5 months ago

communication, date, girl, going, humor, just, know, marry, relationship, say, something
The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

0

5 months ago

40, age, enough, frustration, humor, joke, lowered, needs, retirement, retirement age, work
I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, internet, irony, know, people, true, truth
I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

0

2 months ago

age, childhood, humor, i, nostalgia, sandwich, simplicity, square, thing, triangle, world
Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

0

2 months ago

advice, advisor, budgeting, cost, enough, finance, financial, financial advisor, hiring, humor, i, money, paying, personal, personal finance, piece
“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

0

2 months ago

funny situation, hold, humor, i, jet, myself, personal, self, shower, situation, slipping, tell, trying, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

55 shares on Threads this month:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,311

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Just landed via Reddit:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Just landed via YouTube:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Freshly posted on X:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Trending via Twitch:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Live now on Snapchat:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

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