Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Shared recently on Slack:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Trending via Twitch:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Going bananas on Facebook:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Just shared via Discord:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Making waves on WeChat:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dreaming of killer crabs and ghostly fishermen! 🎣👻 But hey, at least the views are killer too! 🌊😄

backstory, horror, live, mood, October, seaside, seaside town, seasonal, seasonal mood, sleepy, sleepy town, small, small town, spooky, spooky vibe, town, urge, vibe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

0

2 months ago

around, battery, died, funny story, humor, i, me, problem-solving, remote, story, technology, tell, TV, weekend, wild, wild weekend, working
Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

0

2 months ago

conversation, humor, i, me, response, reunion, sarcasm, time, welcome
I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

0

3 months ago

chronically, chronically online, different, digital, digital life, humor, internet, internet humor, life, media, online, sarcasm, social, social media, sophisticated, witty
You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

0

2 months ago

action, day, every, Facebook, fix, humor, media, social, social media, stupid, watch
I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

0

2 months ago

bed, humor, i, kids, loneliness, me, miss, mosquit, nighttime, options, parenting
Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

0

6 months ago

day, energetic, feeling, humor, i, maybe, morning, parallel, parallel universe, refreshed, somewhere, thinking, tiredness, universe, wake, wake up, wishful, wishful thinking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on YouTube this month:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

80 shares on X this month:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Breaking via Facebook:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Live now on Instagram:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Just shared via TikTok:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Live now on Telegram:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨