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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Going viral on Messenger:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Trending via X:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Seen just now on Slack:

I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

Spotted on Messenger:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Freshly posted on X:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about internet debates and nudity, highlighting humorous online distractions.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Introducing the ultimate online showdown: Naked Debates! 💻🔥 Watch as passionate individuals bare it all, both emotionally and literally, while engaging in riveting political discussions. Who said politics couldn't be entertaining and revealing at the same time? 💬🔞 #NakedPolitics"

arguing, both, combine, dollar, entertainment, humor, idea, internet, looking, million, million dollar idea, naked, people, politics, satire, things, website

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Facebook this month:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

41 shares on Discord this month:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

36 shares on Reddit this month:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

88 shares on X this month:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

61 shares on X this month:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Icarus loved hot wings.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

39 shares on Slack this month:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,573

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Going viral on Facebook:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Trending via YouTube:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Making waves on Reddit:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Just shared via Reddit:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Breaking via Messenger:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Spotted on Messenger:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

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