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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,526

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Just landed via Discord:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Live now on Discord:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Just shared via Twitch:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Live now on Instagram:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

1 day ago

Witty quote comparing intense video gaming to boring spreadsheet work, humorous and playful.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the classic gamer dichotomy: unleashing havoc on virtual worlds or meticulously organizing spreadsheets. It's like choosing between chaos and order, between slaying dragons and slaying data. 🎮💥💼 Who needs real-life adventures when you can battle monsters or conquer formulas from the comfort of your own screen? Choose your weapon: a sword or a mouse—both equally formidable in their own realms! ⚔️🖱️ #GamerLife #Spread

activity, everything, excel, game, games, humor, kill, microsoft, moves, types, video, video game

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

80 shares on Discord this month:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

89 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent someone who holds me.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,515

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Freshly posted on X:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Spotted on Reddit:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Making waves on Reddit:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Just landed via TikTok:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Going viral on Instagram:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Going viral on Instagram:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

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