The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

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I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

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I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

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It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

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Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

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I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

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Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

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If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.