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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,553

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Just shared via Messenger:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Freshly posted on X:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Shared recently on Discord:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Therapy? I have Spotify.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Investing in audio-therapy one playlist at a time 🎧😄

health, humor, i, joke, mental, mental health, music, relaxation, Spotify, therapy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

0

2 months ago

company, connection, customer, drunken, drunken shopping, hate, humor, i, me, night, one-night stand, random, relationship, shopping, stand
Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

0

2 months ago

asked, awkwardness, communication, conversation, dating, half, hour, humor, i, just, lady, mansplaining, me, misunderstanding, silence, staring, think, trap
I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

0

2 months ago

being, body, cartoon, clothing, duck, half, hate, humor, i, mind, naked, never, preference, top
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

0

2 months ago

furniture, humor, irony, joke, living, own, sell, trouble
Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

0

5 months ago

awkward, awkwardness, dating, flirt, humor, i, interaction, social, social interaction, sure, things
People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

0

2 months ago

20s, adulthood, degree, education, emotional, emotional support, graduate, humor, humor quote, Masters, millennials, people, sarcasm, support

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Slack this month:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

56 shares on Threads this month:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

18 shares on Discord this month:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Oh good. Another day.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Just let your girlfriend be crazy, like who cares, bro.

Just landed via YouTube:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Seen just now on X:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Going viral on Twitch:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Just shared via Threads:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Just landed via Discord:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨