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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Just shared via Twitch:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Just landed via Threads:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Making waves on X:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Trending via Reddit:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Just landed via TikTok:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Just shared via Threads:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Just shared via Twitch:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about intense feelings, expressing a humorous craving for revenge.

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Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to unleash your inner action hero! 😎🍿💥

cut, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, need, revenge, therapy, vengeance

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on X this month:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

98 shares on X this month:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

86 shares on X this month:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Going viral on WeChat:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Spotted on X:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Making waves on Messenger:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Shared recently on Threads:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

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Activity Log ✨

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨