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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,233

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Seen just now on Threads:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Going viral on Twitch:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Just landed via YouTube:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Just landed via Facebook:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Spotted on Instagram:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Freshly posted on Slack:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Shared recently on Facebook:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

They should invent a good thing that happens.

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They should invent a good thing that happens.
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Commentary:
"If only there was a 'Good Luck Fairy' we could summon whenever needed! 🧚‍♂️ Maybe we can start a petition for that! 😉✨"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

75 shares on Discord this month:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

93 shares on X this month:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

27 shares on X this month:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

98 shares on Slack this month:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,325

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Going viral on TikTok:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Seen just now on Discord:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Trending via Facebook:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Going viral on WeChat:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Going viral on Messenger:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Breaking via Slack:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

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