This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

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Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

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I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

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Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

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What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

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Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

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I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

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Men be like “I would do anything for you” and then do nothing.

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As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

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When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.