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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Freshly posted on X:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Shared recently on Threads:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Going viral on Facebook:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Trending via Threads:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Just landed via Instagram:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Thursday, the middle child of the week, always struggling to find its place. Why bother, when we all just want to fast forward to Friday anyway? 😆🤷‍♂️ #ThursdayBlues"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

The government even made aliens boring.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Making waves on Facebook:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Going bananas on Slack:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Freshly posted on Slack:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

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