Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Trending via TikTok:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Making waves on Twitch:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Spotted on TikTok:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Just landed via YouTube:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the clock strikes dish o'clock, I'm Cyndi Lauper-ing my way through the suds! ⏰🧽🎶

after, chores, dish, dishes, doing, favorite, humor, music, song, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

0

2 months ago

advice, behavior, bite, child, child behavior, Google, humor, kid, kids, marriage, married, parenting, teach, things
I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

0

2 months ago

am, communication, English, fly, going, hard, humor, i, insect, kill, language, leave, right, say, threat, wish
Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

0

2 months ago

activity, camping, comfort, home, humor, i, mortgage, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside, pay, sleep, thank, wanted
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

0

2 months ago

doll, give, good, humor, joke, massage, playful, quirky, sarcastic, voodoo, voodoo doll
Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

0

4 months ago

chance, communication, everyone, internet, media, mistake, opinion, platform, social, social media, voice
As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

0

2 months ago

curse, humor, i, interest, last, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Messenger this month:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

77 shares on Twitch this month:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

26 shares on X this month:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

73 shares on X this month:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

99 shares on X this month:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Making waves on X:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Spotted on WeChat:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Just shared via WeChat:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Freshly posted on X:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Just landed via Pinterest:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨