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Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

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I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

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If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

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One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

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Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

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The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

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Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.