Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

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Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

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Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

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If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

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My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

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Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

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My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.