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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,237

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Shared recently on Threads:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Going viral on Facebook:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Trending via Instagram:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Trending via Twitch:

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Live now on Messenger:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

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Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.
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Commentary:
"Feels like we're all taking advice from a bunch of caffeinated squirrels! 🐿️🤪 #TwitterTherapy"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

10 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

75 shares on X this month:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Going viral on Messenger:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Trending via Facebook:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Seen just now on X:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Live now on X:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

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