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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,725

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Going viral on X:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Spotted on X:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Shared recently on YouTube:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Trending via YouTube:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Trending via Facebook:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Going viral on X:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about confidence and self-acceptance with a bold, humorous vibe.

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Commentary:
Embracing my awesomeness just to annoy the haters. 😂✨ #SorryNotSorry

attitude, being, being me, confidence, haters, i, identity, keep, me, perseverance, self, self-confidence, unfortunately

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35 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

90 shares on Slack this month:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Seen just now on Instagram:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Just landed via Threads:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Seen just now on X:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Seen just now on Threads:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

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Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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