Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

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Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

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Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

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Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

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At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

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Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

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Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

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You look like something I drew with my left hand.

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I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

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I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

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Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.